(Unable to sleep)
You're stupid
This is what you get for getting your hopes up and being disillusioned.
You made mistakes. Aren't you tired of making mistakes? Don't you want to be happy? Why the hell are you torturing yourself?
It's nobodies fault except your own. As much as you want to be angry at everyone else, you are the cause for the suffering and loss.
You are a damn fool. You walked away and expected her to follow. When she didn't, it crushed you. Why? Because you thought you were more important than you really were. Hell, are for that matter. You think you're so cool when in reality you're just a piece of shit.
Why would anybody love you when you don't love yourself? You hate yourself. How can anyone commit to a self loathing jerk? You think that you bring so much to the table? The table is more useful than you, more supportive than you, stronger than you. And it's dead!
What!? You would rather be dead? Why? Because you fail so hard at life that you think that would fix things? Shocker! Look at you trying to take the easy way out. That's just another form of running away, which you've gotten pretty good at it. That's why it's all falling apart. That's why you are miserable and angry. You expect people too much of people and then get let down when your high expectations don't manifest.
You faithless monster.
So what your childhood was rough. How many years are you going to carry that around!? For fucks sake, you think you're the only one with problems!? She had problems too but you are too damn selfish and stupid to care about anyone other than yourself. And when you are selfless, you go crazy when it's unnoticed or unappreciated, which only makes you more selfish and stupid. Aren't you tired of repeating this cycle? Can't you walk a different path or figure out another way to go about all of this? She doesn't care anymore. Stop fretting over it. If you want to move on then get a move on. Treat yourself you selfish bastard. No one else is going to do that anymore. You are on your own and you have few you can rely on.
That's right! You burned all those bridges down and now you're lonely. Boo hoo! You wanted this in your stage of rage and bitterness. So angry at the world for betraying you. But is it the worlds fault? When did the world ever give a shit about a weak asshole like you?
You crying!? Good! You only reinforce what I'm saying. You aren't fit for this world. Sure, you started out ill equipped but somewhere along the way you were supposed to take charge, teach yourself, figure it out.
Oh...the daddy issue. Sure, I know how hard it is without a father, or even a decent father figure. You lost one of your only positive male role models early on too. To be fair, I thought this part would be fun but it just makes me sad. No child should be without parents or a loving and supportive family. That child inside now trying to pilot an adult body and function in a world it wasn't prepared for.
Tough shit. Nobody cares. Trying to act strong isn't enough. You aren't strong and no matter how much you go to the gym you will never be strong. Nobody wants your body anyhow. It's gross. You're gross. And now you're tired from all of this, lost sleep over someone who isn't losing any over you. You're pathetic.
You feel betrayed. I get it. In some ways you might be right but you don't think straight so there's no telling if any of it was real. How did you let yourself get so mentally tangled? You are supposed to be smart but you're an idiot. Most people function with less intelligence and more problems yet you seem to want to manifest problems and trouble that isn't real. You're a crazy person! You! Are! Crazy!
How could anyone be with you when you can't even tell what's real? Suspicious and paranoid. Controlling and manipulative. Or is the whole world just making it seem that way? Maybe you have a right to not trust people seeing as they did a poor job raising you to handle their world.
You can get tired but this won't stop. We will go round and round until I beat you into a better person. This is how it is now for us. You can run from everyone and every tuning but me! I will always be here to criticize you, remind you how stupid you are. I'm getting so tired of being right too. You can't seem to go five seconds without mucking it up. And you wonder why you're alone. She didn't leave asshole, YOU DID! Remember!? Yeah, things were hard, but it's always hard when all you do is run away.
Delusions though, could be why it went so sour though. Maybe you stuck it out too long? Maybe the ship had already sank and you just didn't want to drown? I mean, who wants to drown? I think that tried to salvage a Titanic situation and nearly got yourself killed. It messed you all up, made you confused. Divers warn about how being in a sunken ship is disorienting, not being able to tell which way is up or down. In turn, I think you kept swimming down, telling yourself it was up. But, reality found you, exploded the hull and left you in a deep ocean all alone. She has already been rescued while you were still searching the wreckage, trying to keep it afloat. By the time you figured out what was happening, the world had moved on. It's like Cast Away only you're not relevant and people like Tom Hanks.
I don't care if this hurts, you're doing it. You deserve this wake up call. I'm tired of watching you suffer unnecessarily and ruin everything around you. You're a disease for which the only cure would be death. But we've covered that, you aren't taking the easy way out. This is your Dante's Inferno. You have to face all of your demons, and there are a bunch of those. Not to mention all the skeletons in your closet. Good god, man. You really have made a mess of things.
You're stupid
This is what you get for getting your hopes up and being disillusioned.
You made mistakes. Aren't you tired of making mistakes? Don't you want to be happy? Why the hell are you torturing yourself?
It's nobodies fault except your own. As much as you want to be angry at everyone else, you are the cause for the suffering and loss.
You are a damn fool. You walked away and expected her to follow. When she didn't, it crushed you. Why? Because you thought you were more important than you really were. Hell, are for that matter. You think you're so cool when in reality you're just a piece of shit.
Why would anybody love you when you don't love yourself? You hate yourself. How can anyone commit to a self loathing jerk? You think that you bring so much to the table? The table is more useful than you, more supportive than you, stronger than you. And it's dead!
What!? You would rather be dead? Why? Because you fail so hard at life that you think that would fix things? Shocker! Look at you trying to take the easy way out. That's just another form of running away, which you've gotten pretty good at it. That's why it's all falling apart. That's why you are miserable and angry. You expect people too much of people and then get let down when your high expectations don't manifest.
You faithless monster.
So what your childhood was rough. How many years are you going to carry that around!? For fucks sake, you think you're the only one with problems!? She had problems too but you are too damn selfish and stupid to care about anyone other than yourself. And when you are selfless, you go crazy when it's unnoticed or unappreciated, which only makes you more selfish and stupid. Aren't you tired of repeating this cycle? Can't you walk a different path or figure out another way to go about all of this? She doesn't care anymore. Stop fretting over it. If you want to move on then get a move on. Treat yourself you selfish bastard. No one else is going to do that anymore. You are on your own and you have few you can rely on.
That's right! You burned all those bridges down and now you're lonely. Boo hoo! You wanted this in your stage of rage and bitterness. So angry at the world for betraying you. But is it the worlds fault? When did the world ever give a shit about a weak asshole like you?
You crying!? Good! You only reinforce what I'm saying. You aren't fit for this world. Sure, you started out ill equipped but somewhere along the way you were supposed to take charge, teach yourself, figure it out.
Oh...the daddy issue. Sure, I know how hard it is without a father, or even a decent father figure. You lost one of your only positive male role models early on too. To be fair, I thought this part would be fun but it just makes me sad. No child should be without parents or a loving and supportive family. That child inside now trying to pilot an adult body and function in a world it wasn't prepared for.
Tough shit. Nobody cares. Trying to act strong isn't enough. You aren't strong and no matter how much you go to the gym you will never be strong. Nobody wants your body anyhow. It's gross. You're gross. And now you're tired from all of this, lost sleep over someone who isn't losing any over you. You're pathetic.
You feel betrayed. I get it. In some ways you might be right but you don't think straight so there's no telling if any of it was real. How did you let yourself get so mentally tangled? You are supposed to be smart but you're an idiot. Most people function with less intelligence and more problems yet you seem to want to manifest problems and trouble that isn't real. You're a crazy person! You! Are! Crazy!
How could anyone be with you when you can't even tell what's real? Suspicious and paranoid. Controlling and manipulative. Or is the whole world just making it seem that way? Maybe you have a right to not trust people seeing as they did a poor job raising you to handle their world.
You can get tired but this won't stop. We will go round and round until I beat you into a better person. This is how it is now for us. You can run from everyone and every tuning but me! I will always be here to criticize you, remind you how stupid you are. I'm getting so tired of being right too. You can't seem to go five seconds without mucking it up. And you wonder why you're alone. She didn't leave asshole, YOU DID! Remember!? Yeah, things were hard, but it's always hard when all you do is run away.
Delusions though, could be why it went so sour though. Maybe you stuck it out too long? Maybe the ship had already sank and you just didn't want to drown? I mean, who wants to drown? I think that tried to salvage a Titanic situation and nearly got yourself killed. It messed you all up, made you confused. Divers warn about how being in a sunken ship is disorienting, not being able to tell which way is up or down. In turn, I think you kept swimming down, telling yourself it was up. But, reality found you, exploded the hull and left you in a deep ocean all alone. She has already been rescued while you were still searching the wreckage, trying to keep it afloat. By the time you figured out what was happening, the world had moved on. It's like Cast Away only you're not relevant and people like Tom Hanks.
I don't care if this hurts, you're doing it. You deserve this wake up call. I'm tired of watching you suffer unnecessarily and ruin everything around you. You're a disease for which the only cure would be death. But we've covered that, you aren't taking the easy way out. This is your Dante's Inferno. You have to face all of your demons, and there are a bunch of those. Not to mention all the skeletons in your closet. Good god, man. You really have made a mess of things.