Another night
It's not as bad as the night before. My nerves are less rattled but I still feel the sickness as if my heart is welling up from my chest, trying to claw its way out of my throat.
Gym and work helped distract me. The gym more so. It was a strong and productive night but I wonder what's the point? Yeah, I can be strong, physically, but mentally I'm broken. A frigid monster that doesn't seem to understand the human race. Making myself stronger only makes me more dangerous. I'm already mentally a lunatic and can destroy most with just a few words.
You think you're almighty!? A powerful wordsmith!? You can't even relay your own feeling properly. You're a joke. You bury yourself in work and weightlifting for what? So someone might notice you? Appreciate all your hard work? As if, weakling. Lift all you want, you can't push away all the problems. They will crush you, rightfully so too. Your arrogance is ridiculous. It's laughable that you think you have such abilities when you can barely function as a person.
Stop thinking about her. Your moronic thoughts are only going to lead you astray. And all the awful scenarios you play out in your mind are only hindering you and causing you deeper pain. I know television and video games are boring but you have to distract yourself. We are stuck with one another and it's about time you listened to me. You are a pain in the ass to deal with, and I would know best.
Don't you get tired on me. You started this dialogue. It's good to see you tired and dreamy but have to face the facts, every night if necessary. This is the only way your dumbass can move on, become someone other than a ruiner and destroyer. I will let you sleep but you better be ready when you wake up. I'm going to be there, ready to barrage you again with all your mistakes and issues. Be ready, fool!
Sleep didn't help, did it? I told you to be prepared. It's been relentless since you awoke. The agony of solitude, of failure, or regret. This is your place for now, so you might as well own it. Be the Lord of Despair, let your doomed feelings wash about you and every bring around. No reason to hide any of it, everyone already knows how weak and pathetic you are. Go ahead. Prove them right. Make them feel better about themselves.
Keep blaming yourself. Keep kicking your own ass. No one is going to save you from this, and why should they? You'll just abandon them. You think you're so patient but you just can't deal with anything so you bottle it up until you explode. Nobody understanding why you're so angry because you never talk about your feelings. Now where are you? Alone, broken, damaged. You moron. What is there to figure out other than you are rigid, inflexible, and unwilling to move on.
Go, try and distract yourself with your work. I'll be here when you give up or make a mistake. Relapse into your depression, overcome with muddled emotions, assailed by uncontrollable feelings. Go on. There's no where to run this time. You only have me to come back to. I own you.
It's not as bad as the night before. My nerves are less rattled but I still feel the sickness as if my heart is welling up from my chest, trying to claw its way out of my throat.
Gym and work helped distract me. The gym more so. It was a strong and productive night but I wonder what's the point? Yeah, I can be strong, physically, but mentally I'm broken. A frigid monster that doesn't seem to understand the human race. Making myself stronger only makes me more dangerous. I'm already mentally a lunatic and can destroy most with just a few words.
You think you're almighty!? A powerful wordsmith!? You can't even relay your own feeling properly. You're a joke. You bury yourself in work and weightlifting for what? So someone might notice you? Appreciate all your hard work? As if, weakling. Lift all you want, you can't push away all the problems. They will crush you, rightfully so too. Your arrogance is ridiculous. It's laughable that you think you have such abilities when you can barely function as a person.
Stop thinking about her. Your moronic thoughts are only going to lead you astray. And all the awful scenarios you play out in your mind are only hindering you and causing you deeper pain. I know television and video games are boring but you have to distract yourself. We are stuck with one another and it's about time you listened to me. You are a pain in the ass to deal with, and I would know best.
Don't you get tired on me. You started this dialogue. It's good to see you tired and dreamy but have to face the facts, every night if necessary. This is the only way your dumbass can move on, become someone other than a ruiner and destroyer. I will let you sleep but you better be ready when you wake up. I'm going to be there, ready to barrage you again with all your mistakes and issues. Be ready, fool!
Sleep didn't help, did it? I told you to be prepared. It's been relentless since you awoke. The agony of solitude, of failure, or regret. This is your place for now, so you might as well own it. Be the Lord of Despair, let your doomed feelings wash about you and every bring around. No reason to hide any of it, everyone already knows how weak and pathetic you are. Go ahead. Prove them right. Make them feel better about themselves.
Keep blaming yourself. Keep kicking your own ass. No one is going to save you from this, and why should they? You'll just abandon them. You think you're so patient but you just can't deal with anything so you bottle it up until you explode. Nobody understanding why you're so angry because you never talk about your feelings. Now where are you? Alone, broken, damaged. You moron. What is there to figure out other than you are rigid, inflexible, and unwilling to move on.
Go, try and distract yourself with your work. I'll be here when you give up or make a mistake. Relapse into your depression, overcome with muddled emotions, assailed by uncontrollable feelings. Go on. There's no where to run this time. You only have me to come back to. I own you.